Release.

Funny how things and people react. I’ve been speaking my mind on the internet for this long I’ll surely not stop now despite the fragile complex of certain people in my life. Knowing perhaps that certain things I say and talk about may offend others is simply something unavoidable. I speak my mindless regardless. And it is my mind.

I’m finding myself looking back on my marriage and dissecting the relationship. Being in the midst of an odd friendship with a man I of course find myself comparing from time to time. Mostly in the ways I’m treated. I’ve realized that in my past I haven’t required a certain level of treatment for myself. I’ve been stuck in a rut of relationships where I’m not treated as a woman but as a sexual object. I feel anyway. My last relationship for example. I used to be greeted everyday by my breast being squeezed. I found it demeaning yet I allowed it to happen. Why? I don’t know. It made him happy? maybe. with this friendship I have, where I find myself involved with often, I feel respected. even in his drunkest stupor I’ve seen he has never made comment or touched me in any vulgar way. most of the time in fact he waits for me to make the first move. even when he holds me at night I don’t lay worrying about whether or not I have to be in the mood. he just feels safe. ive found myself thanking him often for making me feel safe. most of the time he responds with ‘always’. It’s a nice change when I don’t feel like sex is expected. I by no means think he is the only person who could provide this sort of treatment but it has definitely been a sort of shock. I like it, but I’ve realized I can like being on my own too.

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