Liveliness.

I was scared at first about the place I’ve moved into. It’s a small community of people who do so much together. Eat together most often, garden, work, and just sit. Their craigslist notice was a very detailed entry about the extent of what they do together and how they’re really looking for someone to join and help out. My first response was ‘I wonder if it’s because of religion’. That wasn’t it. More like a hippie gathering, but in the best way. They do not allow illegal substances on the property. Marajuana included. And to smoke a cigarette they’d also prefer I leave the small property. Which is absolutely fine by me. They’ve only been on this property a few months and already they’ve been reconstructing one of the houses ( the one I’m staying in) and have gardens set up in just about every nook and cranny. I was afraid because I didn’t know if I was up for so much socializing. With all the shit flying around me I really have just wanted to climb into a hole and live alone with just my cats to accompany me. But they are easy people to like and be around. I’m excited for the challenge to my social anxiety this place will be, which is weird because I don’t usually like to challenge my anxiety. I’m also extremely excited about everything I can learn from this place and the people. Learning to be self reliant. Not just emotionally but physically. Learning to eat and grow healthy food. This new chapter in my life will be a good one ( I’m thinking anyway). So far I’m spending my first night with a full stomach from delicious home grown food with my cats near ( still a bit shaken but doing better than I expected). I’m excited that what I think was the worst part has past. I’m settled and secure. Still on the fringe of friendships but I feel a solid one building with someone unexpected. For now though just looking to myself for strength and purpose. I know I have a drive to do and be something, I’ve just got to keep reminding myself there are still things to live for. Still things to learn and do whether it’s important or not.

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